Living on a Rainbow

                                               *DISCLAIMER *

I am NOT pregnant, I technically cannot have anymore babies, and am very very satisfied with my children. 

But seriously I kinda miss being pregnant and having a new baby. I delivered 3 children in a 4 year 4 month period. All I have known for the last 6 years is getting pregnant, being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, then when that baby is about 16 months old, getting pregnant again. There was a 3 month time between weaning Phineas from nursing and then getting pregnant with Stella. We found out we were pregnant with Roman the month after I turned 22 and Stella was born on my 27th birthday.

Sam thinks I am crazy. He has seen me have horrible morning sickness, listened while I was miserable during that last month of pregnant, held my hand while I delivered our babies and been there for the many many sleepless nights. I told him the other day I missed it all and he looked at me like I was out of my mind. I told him I think all mothers, even when you are 100% sure you are done having children, feel some sort of tinge in their stomach when they see a newborn baby.

We made the decision to have a tubal ligation done after my cesarean with Stella. It wasn't even necessarily because she had major complex medical needs but it was because our family was complete. We had our 2 boys and our girl and we just *knew*  we were done. Now that our kids are getting older, it's getting easier to go do fun things. Sam takes the boys to the movies, and trips to the park and library are crazy fun. Roman is in school and transitioning to a much more independent child. Phineas is a few days from turning 4 and is a bright kid. Our little Stella is rounding the corner to her 2nd birthday, very active and verbal. These are all amazing things and it's such a blessing to see these little people grow up.

I've purged most of the baby goods in our house. Most clothing that is smaller than 2T is gone, all rattles and newborn toys, pacifiers, bottles, play sets, and baby gear is gone. I've kept a few little outfits that all my kids wore home from the hospital, plus their newborn wristbands and hats they wore in the hospital. It's been cathartic for me to free myself of that and look forward to the future. I will always "Awwwww..." when I look back at pictures or reminisce about the past. (Which I definitely did while finding these old pictures)